Dream Part two

Back to this "waking" up dream...

As some of you reading may or may not know I graduated from WSU with a criminal justice degree and no I'm not going to give you my entire run down because I don't think it's necessary for any of my blogs really. But, what I wanted to get at was, I am still not working in law enforcement like I would have hoped to have been when I first graduated in 2011. I've applied two places and have had two interviews. Obviously I didn't get the job or I wouldn't be needing to wake myself up right now. I believe both of the places I applied at, and didn't get the job, happened for a reason. I obviously wasn't meant to be a cop in Wichita and well my ex and I broke up while I was down for my interview in Colorado and well I didn't get the job either. We won't dip into any of that right now.


Butttttt, "waking up." I drag my toes when it comes to many of things because I'm afraid of getting stuck. Afraid to be tied down to Wichita or even Kansas when I really don't want to end up here. I was always afraid I would end up somewhere my ex didn't want to be. So in turn I never really applied anywhere. This is why I'm talking about needing to just live. Stop allowing things to try to play out and just go, full throttle. I can always leave a job, and move on to another. It's my fear. And damnit I am not one to live with fear. I need to wake up. I am so thankful I had that dream because it was like a big slap in the face. Telling me to get the hell going and make something for myself and my future family.


I will not and cannot stand here any longer waiting for those who have left my lives to decide they want to come back. I have to look for and go after my career and my dreams regardless. Because I can only give so much to people and then it is left in their hands.

Everyone in my life has the opportunity to choose. Stay or go.... And honestly a few I never thought would leave... Well two, have left. And it hurts worse than a bandaid getting ripped off when your a baby. Damn it stings, and I cry about it all the time. But why? They aren't and they definitely are not fighting for me. So the fight won't necessarily leave me, but I have to move on like they have.


Ps. I love you!



Until next time,


-C